I've Moved.

I have moved to http://rachaeljoan.blogspot.sg where I chronicle my thoughts and mainly about my two children.

My Sad Truth

Unfortunately, I feel that the only person one can rely on is oneself.
God is not a person. The Universe is not a person.
You can rely on God & The Universe, and yourself, and that's about all.

Of course I am writing this feeling down. I write down stuff when down and I don't pretend that it is sunny when it is not. It is safer to say that I shall never want to have hope in any Mankind so that I will never experience another piercing sting to my heart. But being alive, I may forget this and then start to love or trust again. This is foolishness and I am foolhardy, I can't deny that. I have famously said that if it doesn't hurt, it ain't love. And that, again is yet another ironic view. Love hurts. Do you want it or want it not?

In the middle of the night

Fumbling with the keyboard on iPad can be frustrating, especially when I can't find the underscore key and tab. No tab, how to enter from title bar to text box? Well, this is learning and using my dinosaur brain to adapt.

Life has been great. We're having another baby sometime in October. 3rd the doctor said. But I think it might be earlier.

Finding Solace

I tried reaching Adeline but found yet another end. End, not dead end.
Adeline has been a dearest friend and I don't know how we became like this.
She is just one person who will never think any wrong of me and no one shares our oddness as much as the two of us.

The past two months was a tough period for me. It was dark and, was very dark.

I don't find myself telling anyone about my troubles most of the time. In fact, the more serious the problem, the more I won't talk. Maybe it is because most of the time, I am the pillar for my friends and I help them gain positive insights, and so I thought I shall not shake their faith.
But I think that this is also not very right for me, cos sometimes, I ought to let in some tenderness when I need it, cos after all, I am human too.

What happened the past 2 months had permanent effect and was a setback in my life.
I am still grappling with it and am learning as I go along. Learning to trust life, learning to have faith in the midst of darkness and most of all, learning to maintain a positive outlook, although the latter is the most trying of all.

It is funny how life delivers its packages to me in bite-sizes.

The other day, I had an overwhelming wave of anxiety. All the thoughts about having to work and fend for myself, and to provide till I am old and grey, engulfed me.

I told myself not to frighten myself too much, cos many times, I may just be a tad too worrisome.

For now, I juggle with what I have in hand and shall trust that all will work out fine.

Soul Be It

http://soulbeit.blogspot.com/

Another phase of my life

Intoxication

I am under the influence of alcohol. It will be amusing to see what entry I have here.

Ok, first of all, I am a lousy drinker. I am only on Alize. Cognac only.

So, I'm getting a high on cognac and classical music bursting in my ears via the ear phones.

It is November and my BD has passed.

I didn't go any where out of the country although I still could if I really want to. I have tickets to Gentings Highland. But I shall not utilize it because it is more important to be at home now that my bloody maid is gone. Saddam damn bitch. Fucking hell. Let's not talk about it. I almost want to see her in hell but I thought I am better than that. I let it pass.

So anyway. Here am I. All full 36 years old. Too old to live too young to die. No lar. This is just the alcohol working. Ha ha. So anyway, Finally I am going for formal painting lessons although it scares the hell of me. Not the painting, painting comes naturally. It is the socializing. I HATE socializing with new people. I dont know them, they dont know me. Who cares about what happends to me or them. But for the sake of my baby, I must push my boundary. Come on. It wont kill me to step out. What can be worse? Just people thinking you're a moroon.

Ok, so anyway. I love painting and I am so bloody glad I persued it.

So, my BD came and went. I played Cashflow 101 with PW till 4 in the morning. what a way to spend my BD. come on come on, get out of the rat race! to have money is not enough! you need to have passive income. Passive! means that even if you're sleeping, you're still getting paid!. It is really easier said than done.

Kiki is a superb baby. I love her to pieces. I am so damn glad that the episodes with the maid happened. I now am able to handle my baby! Oh Great!.

So anyway... there's nothing new happening. Just that I wanna paint.

Good night.

2nd September 2009

I dont know what's happening. I am somewhat bored or somewhat listless. or somewhat in a vacume. I am not very sure what im doing. Every day, I wake up at six in the morning and once in a blue moon i dont feel like getting up but most of the days i have no problem getting up. work starts at 830 but i reach office at 730 and make myself a cup of coffee and whatever breakfast that i may be having which is usually 2 slices of bread with my favourite butter, salted butter. Then I'll run through my work emails and probably start with work. Half the time wanting to do something else like surfing the net but will have no clue what to surf and end up deleting junk mails from my mailbox. Then when the clock strikes 830, I'll officially be busy with real work till 6 in the evening and then I'll lament that I didn't check the TOTO results etc and I'll take the mini-bus home but it doesnt stop there, it passes by my home but it stops at Bedok MRT and I'll spend another 45 mins trying to get home where it is so close yet so far away. 730 home, Kiki will either be awake or falling asleep so it depends on her wakefullness before I know if I'll be bathing or playing with her. She doesn't giggle or gurgle with me as much as she does with Bren or some other people. Maybe my voice is not high pitched enough or have she not seen enough of my face. Sometimes at work, I forget that I have a baby. In fact, I don't know what's the matter with me I don't feel motherly. yet, is it yet or is it I never will? I don't have that whinny dependency or attachment to her. Is there something wrong with me? I dont know what to do with her and I got lazy and did not do much with her. Should I be singing, reading, laughing with her? I dont know, it seems that all she does is to drink milk, cry, cranky and sleep. I need activities, I need more. I need to do more. More of what? I don't know. Get out, get out. Just go anywhere with her. Can't wait for the ghost month to be over, can't wait for fasting month to be over. Then I shall bring both Kiki and the maid out. To visit anyone, visit relatives, to go get some nice food maybe. The maid has been good and bad. Got to forget the bad things and look at the good. The good thing is that she is good with Kiki and I guess that is the most important thing. So forget the part about her hubby calling her more often than I call my mom. I dont think it is right to find fault or be unhappy with the person caring for your baby. Afterall, they care for your baby. All the more I must learn to like her. Be loving. Be embracing. And be giving.
I am excited that I am having a weeks off in November, the week of my birthday but I have no idea what to do with the free time. Should I book a chalet, who will come. Should I take a holiday, where to go. I told Brendan that I will just take the KTM train to anywhere it will stop in Malaysia and just get lodging for the night and move from town to town. He says that is not much of a plan. I think I will just take a holiday by myself. I would like to do that. Good.

24th August Monday

It has been four weeks since I've returned to work and work is more or less still the same, busy and stressful. I must learn to relax and slow down or this is really not helping. At least I still do enjoy part of my work, just not the stress that comes along with it. Anyway, I am glad that finally the company bus goes to Bedok MRT where I can then get another bus back home. I do hope to reach home much earlier and I shall aim to be home by 7.30pm latest. Also, I'm going to check out the gym at Grand Mecure Hotel so that I can do the treadmill and swim at the pool regularly. Yes, I have to loose weight now. Eat well, loose weight and then build up my health for another baby. Yes, we would really like to have another baby. Must take care of our health now. Sale of the old flat will complete next month (end Sept) and we shall have our big pay day. I am so excited for it and we'll celebrate the joyous event. I'm so sorry I havent been writing here, life is pretty busy lately. But life is good. Take care my friends and hope to hear from you once in a while.

Returning to work

I'm returning to work on Monday. I have no feelings pertaining to it.
Whatever comes, I'll adjust.
I'll just make myself happy Every Day.

Kiki baby is doing fine, though ocassionally there'll be some crying spells in the middle of the night. My maid pulled the cord to the musical box at 3 in the morning, the noise was piercing. I told her not to do that again as it will disturb the neighbours. I also told her not to do that if I'm sleeping, cos I'm a light sleeper. Ever since becoming a mom, I spring up from bed at any odd hours when I hear my baby cry. 2, 3, 4, 5, 6am, get the picture. I now understand why my colleagues yawn in the middle of the day. I sure hope I won't do that. I dislike people yawning out of the blue. I think that if you yawn in the middle of a conversation you're being very rude. And I am disgusted when I walk into a store and the sales person yawns. The only person who yawns and I find it adorable is that of my baby. (well, well, well) She was born yawning and she yawns pretty much. Everyone who sees it will tell me she's sleepy, which is not always the case. I guess she just needs more oxygen for her brain that's all. I have yet to bring Kiki to my office though I think it will be nice. Well, let's hope it will happen tomorrow. I've been cooking quite a bit lately but it is no big deal, cos all the fancy dishes comes with pre-mixed sauces in a sachet. That is like cheating in a test so I don't take credit for it. I think I should lighten up cos all I do is being hard on myself. I don't know why I'm like this and I hope I can be kinder to myself like I'm kind to others. I thought of visiting ION - the new shopping place at the heart of Orchard but I will feel guilty if I spend time away from my baby, more so now that I'm left with just a few days of leave. I read in a magazine that there's a thing called "working mother's guilt" and it says we ought to overcome it. A happy mother will bring about a happy child, so please throw the guilt out of the windows. I hope you will get used to me writing in this style, probably with lesser and lesser pictures while I just rattle off whatever's on my mind. I went to "swim" in the sea this afternoon and am glad that I've got a tan. But the legs can do with more tanning while the arms can take a break. It is not easy to work a tan if you're not lying flat on the ground. Nobody does that at East Coast, not on a weekday at least, hence I'm too conscious to the attention if I do. Nowadays, on a weekday, be prepared to have China nationals men checking you out if you're swimming at the beach. They are more blatant than the locals. If I were a lot slimmer I probably wouldn't care two hoots. Oh but thanks to them the beach is clean. I see China men picking up rubbish along the coast in the morning. They are probably cleaning contractors. Our Singapore is so clean because we've got people sweeping the roads, the parks, the estates. We've got foreign contractors prunning the trees and planting wild flowers on road dividers. Once I saw a man counting and recording the numbers of flowers that were freshly planted. They probably get paid by the clusters. So much so for a green city, it's systematic and robotic. But oh no don't get me wrong, I do like the trees. We've got so many giant ones around, feels good. The fake-feels are the flowers. My maid has a cynical sense of humour. The boy's balloon burst while he was at the playground and she said "bomb Jakarta, bomb!" what kind of joke is that. As you can see, I can go on forever but your eyes need rest. Goodnight.

Being Busy

Every day is a busy day. Now that we've sold our old flat, we're in the midst of transporting all the stuff we've packed, over to our new place. There is just so little storage space here and I'm immobilized, I can't seem to get any packing done! Stress, stress. Designated this whole week to packing but Harjit visited today, and so we spent the time chit chatting with an old friend. We've not catch up in the past 3 years! Then, Bren & I went walking along the beach. Breeze walk we call it. Nice. Can work out a sweat. I'm being rather conscious of my weight & figure.... back to that fat figure of 58kg.... how to loose 10kg? There's just so many things to do. Trying to spend every minute as constructively as possible when I'm with Kiki. Oh, brought her to the market this morning. She was quite curious on her surroundings. All the aunties asked if she was a boy =/
Other than that, she's rather cranky, demanding and manja, always wanting to be held, cuddled and entertained! Talk about royal treatment. I don't know if we're doing it right but well,,,,,,,, for the time being, whatever makes her stop crying will work for us.
Weds- will be out with Aunt Serene
Thurs- Jac, PW & Joy are visiting
Sat- Going to Godma's place

Pack, pack, pack!! Help.

Life is Good

Life is good.

I get the chance to take a break, surf the net, go to the beach, go shopping.
There are still lots of stuff unpacked and disorganised but I'm in no hurry.
Lazy.

I feel guilty if I'm away from Kiki in her waking hours.
I feel that I ought to be playing with her, bonding with her, as much as I can while I'm on leave.
So, I'ld better get going.

This weekend, Ex-Bintan colleagues are coming over.
Next Tuesday, it will be the Reiki friends.
Then the Marinehub people. And the ANA people.
Then many smaller groups and individuals. Gabriel, Adeline.

I wanna keep in shape. Got to go exercise and sweat it out.

Okay, that's this much for now.

Life's good.

Take care.

I miss it here

I miss it here, and so I've returned.

Is there anybody out there?

Anyone still here? Leave me a comment. Anonymously also ok.

Ok, so I'm back. Back as me. Ya, I'm a mom now but I'm still me. I think I need my identity still; you know,, me as a functional or sometimes dysfunctional human being. Being real, being stupid, being selfish, being selfless, being generous, being petty. Whatever. Just being me.

I think the last time I had a real entry was before I gave birth to a lovely baby girl. So much has happened and I do wish to remember it. Let me see where to begin. Ok, firstly, I haven't lost my angst and so you can be assured that I have not changed much. (definition: angst - an acute but unspecific feeling of anxiety; usually reserved for philosophical anxiety about the world or about personal freedom)

My water broke at about 6 in the morning of 4th April. I was peacefully lying in bed with Brendan, we were both so peaceful, soaking in the atmosphere of an early morning and the up and coming events which were: having a baby and moving to a new house, and then it happened. I felt a membrane ruptured. It felt like a soft burst of a thin piece of paper. I panicked. I said, "oh shit, oh shit my water broke!" I remember my hands were trembling when I called for my gynea. And touch phones make things worse when you're panicking! I couldn't scroll to the number and I kept punching in the wrong digits. Boy, was I freaked out.

I was kept waiting till about 11am before I was in the labour ward. I think it was about 2pm when my gynea ordered induced labour drip but still my cervix did not open. It remained closed till 10pm and my gynea said 16 hours of labour is fair enough and said we should proceed for cesarean and so I was wheeled in at about 11pm. I don't understand how come nobody talks about the process of cesarean, nothing could prepare me for it. It was traumatizing. I felt like a cow being opened up and a cattle was being pulled out from my stomach. The after-hours was worse. My womb was still contracting (the drip for inducing labour was still in effect, even as the painkiller wore off!) my god, during those hours, I wished I was dead. Of course now that it is over I am fine but then, I thought death was less painful then what I was having. I remember thinking to myself that if I survive this, once is enough, one baby is enough. But when I saw Kiki, I realised that she needs a sibling. You know, to rely on. They can have each other when we're gone. And so I know that I have to have another one. The power of Two. Just look at me. I have my sister. Eventhough she came seven years later, I still do rely on her for strength. I am stronger because I know I can count on her. I am stronger because I know she can count on me. And so it is.

Then came the breast feeding saga.
I was so stupid, I took breast feeding too lightly.
I messed with nature and I paid the price. A very high price. It was hell.
I thought I would try to breast feed and so the nurses brought Kiki to me to stimulate milk production. On the day that I was discharged, my breasts were engorged in the evening after I got home. They swelled to the size of ruby balls and they were hard like stone. I was in pain, pain and tremendous stress. I felt sick, feverish, cold and hot all at the same time. My armpits swelled to the size of an apple and I was horrified. For two days, I pumped out the milk for 4 hours in a row and they all came back engorged within an hour. I was forever pumping and my nipples cracked and blood came out. It was pure hell. I never got a wink of sleep for 4 days straight and I was loosing my mind. I was terrified and prayed for divine help. I regretted that I took it too lightly. It takes a lot of commitment to breast feed and I wasn't ready. I wasn't the type. I am not the typical , self-sacrificing mother. I feel that I contribute better in a thousand other ways. I just am not ready to be so great a mother and I have no guilt that I do not want to breast feed. I got so angry that the medical professionals made it so difficult for me to quit. They lectured me, persuaded me, pressured me, threatened me and bullied me. I felt like a victim and was very emotional. To hell with them, they were biased and it is not fair that they forced it on me. I battled the nurses, I battled the doctor at the A&E. Eventually, I got to see my gynea and he empathized with me. I said it was unfair that they taught me to induce milk but refused to let me stop. The whole thing was not an informed choice and that breast milk IS OVERRATED. I think some of them will want to burn me on a stick. I was fighting an army of activists and I felt the weight and fury all burdened upon me. Finally, I got my strength back and I fought my way to obtain the pills to help subside my swelling breasts. It was over. It took about a week to settle off. I've learnt a painful lesson. Jump with eyes opened. Never jump with eyes closed.

And so, one week was spent settling my physical and emotional problems.
I quickly regained my focus and focused on Kiki. I picked up skills from the confinement nanny. I was hands on, I fed, bathed, burped her.

Then came the move.
I cried so hard that morning we left commonwealth.
I cried so hard that Brendan cried with me.
I have to let it out.
I love that place eventhough it was small and cramped.
I felt that I was forcing myself to move on.
I don't know.
I still do miss it. I have lost my foothold. It was a place I felt it was my home.
I grew in it.
But then it is just like this.
I have to move on. I have to progress with life.
I can't just hold on and not grow.
And so I let it go.
On the way to our new place, I said goodbye to everything I see.
I was heart brokened.
I didn't look forward to the new house as much as Brendan did.
I had to learn to like it.
I only liked the bigger space.
And the sky.
I could see the sky now.
From my windows.
I liked that.
Yes. I liked that.

I guess I will learn to grow here.
Grow my memories.

Our guppies died.
I cried.
They were like the remains of the old flat and they died.
They were the third generation from the original generation.
And they died.
All swept clean. As if someone wants to sweep me clean. Cleaned from all memories of the old flat.
Okay, I get it.

And so it is.

Migration

I have migrated to

http://www.rachaeljoan.blogspot.com

See you there. 

Feast of Love

I watched this over HBO last night, starring Morgan Freeman (Harry), Greg Kinnear (Bradley). I watched from halfway through the plot, but it was already quite good for me. I will catch it from the beginning on a re-run I suppose.

The story is about love in its many forms. Romantic love, parental love, grief on loss, gay love, as well as love affair.

Harry, an old, university professor took indefinite leave to grief over the death of his only son who died over drug abuse. He said, how could he not see it? How did he miss it? (His son was a medical doctor and who would think that he had a drug problem?) Harry is remorseful and begins to distant himself from his loving and patient wife. He told Chloe (a young adult who has recently found love), to"get pregnant immediately when you get married. after the baby's born, do it again. have two." He said to her.

Bradley runs a coffee shop business, his wife left him for another woman, he was devastated. How did he miss it? He questions himself. He fell in love with his realtor, who broke off a long term affair to marry Bradley, but later left Bradley and reunites with her lover who eventually left his wife. Devastated for the second time, Bradley tried cutting off his pinky finger and was rushed to the hospital. He fell in love with the doctor who attended to him. Good thing that the latter was also in love with him. So he finally found someone who loves him as much as he loves her.

Oscar works at the coffee shop. It was love at first sight when he laid eyes on Chloe. The young couple knew they were meant for each other. Money was tight, they had to bunk in at friends' apartments. They want to be together. One day Chloe went to a psychic about her future, the psychic told her about the impending death of her partner. It was terrible news for her but she headed home and asked Oscar to marry her. They were married, Chloe was expecting a baby, but the fateful day came.

Below is the conversation between Harry & Bradley one late night at the park:-

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0800027/quotes

Harry Stevenson: God is either dead, or he despises us.
Bradley Thomas: You don't really believe that.
Harry Stevenson: Maybe. I saw the most remarkable thing just now. I wandered into the stadium, I thought I was alone... but down on the 50 yard line there was a couple. They were making love. I watched for longer then I should have. I was envious... and then I felt sorry for them. There's so much they don't know; heartbreak they can't even imagine.
Bradley Thomas: [sighs] Well, even if they knew, it wouldn't change anything.
Harry Stevenson: How so?
Bradley Thomas: Chloe knew what was going to happen to Oscar.
Harry Stevenson: She knew?
Bradley Thomas: She did. She went to some psychic lady, predicted the whole thing.
Harry Stevenson: She believe her?
Bradley Thomas: Yes, Harry, she did. She didn't run away, she didn't crawl into a hole. She found them a house. She threw away her birth control and married him. God doesn't hate us, Harry. If he did, he wouldn't have made our hearts so brave.

Yes indeed.

If he did, he wouldn't have made our hearts so brave.

My Sweet Man

I am grateful for having him.

Many times I get incensed or enraged by him.

Many times I get hurt over his insensitivity.

Many times I get angry at him.

But many times, I am grateful for having him.

He has been plying up and down to Marine Parade co-ordinating on the renovation works and waking up fairly early in the morning over the weekends. He goes over early to the new house, buys packets of coffees for my cousins (but they turned up late). He is always thinking of others.

That evening, I saw that he looked tired. Oh. And he still took the time to do my laundry. I ran out of shorts to wear,, I had to borrow his. And he quickly did the laundry in-between takes.

He sent me to the hotel where I attended the wedding dinner and he waited around, went for his dinner and waited for me.

We have quite a bit of fun sometimes.

We started calling ourselves "Kiki Daddy" & "Kiki Mommy".

I asked him to take some pictures for Kiki Mommy (me),, and so he snapped away.

Then he asked, "How about Kiki Daddy?"

And so I snapped a picture of him. Half dressed but all game.

And so ladies & gentlemen, this is Kiki's Daddy.

Grammar Nerd

Janice recommended me this blog some time ago and I do enjoy this guy's humor
http://metrodad.typepad.com/

He talks mainly about being a dad to a 4-year-old.

Then there was this entry about him being a "Grammar Nerd" (entry March 08, 2009)
I laughed to myself because I am also sometimes like that, you know, getting either on others' nerves by correcting their speeches or getting on my own nerves by not correcting them!
The thing is,, my grammer is less than perfect and I am sure I make numerous fundamental mistakes too. I am not the authority, no where close. But, still, I cringe when I hear broken-English sometimes, and I am unforgiving with commercial companies / businesses making grammar mistakes on their prints or websites. I often wonder,, once, someone asked me if a fat person could judge another person for being fat or ugly. She said, if you're not good looking, you cannot critise another person on the looks. She said unless you are very pretty or gorgeous, then you have the right to comment. Err.... that doesn't seem to make sense to me.

So anyhow,, I cringe each time my colleague says "Did you heard me?", "Did you received my email?" I cringe. And they always ask "can you borrow me your charger".

Recently, I was surfing an on-line store which sells baby stuff.

Quote from the webiste:-http://www.pupsikstudio.blogspot.com/

"It has been a hectic week for us at Pupsik Studio! With much excitement, we are happy to announce that our new pouch designs have arrived! Not only do we have more colours and designs this time, we are also introducing reversible ones for those of you who like having 2 pouches in 1!

While design aesthetics have always been important to us at Pupsik Studio, we never compromise on other important aspects such as safety, cost and comfort. All our pouches and made from special durable fabric with a slight stretch and triple-stitched together with one of the strongest and best quality thread available in the market. So fussy we are about the safety of our pouches that we actually sent them to be tested by an internationally certified professional body. Needless to say, our pouches passed with flying colours and has been proven to be able to carry weights up to 20kg without any visible signs of stress." End Quote

Firstly, having a REVERSIBLE design DOES NOT GIVE YOU TWO POUCHES IN ONE!
IT GIVES YOU TWO DESIGNS IN ONE POUCH!
Gosh, DO THE MATH!
You use one side of the pouch on day 1, fine.
You turn it inside-out on day 2 to use it, you're still having one number of pouch.

Okay, so this isn't a grammar mistake, I know!
But it still irks me.

Next;

"So fussy we are about the safety of our pouches that we actually sent them to be tested by an internationally certified professional body."

Sent? If they had only done it once and don't plan to do it again, then "sent" is ok.

If testing & certification is an on-going part of their manufacturing process, then the word should be "send".

ok, ok. I shall not write further.

Ciao.

Earth Day

In support of Earth Hour, (or was it Earth Day?), we were supposed to switch off non-essential lights & electrical points for 1 hour between 830-930 pm on Saturday 28th March. We joked about it cos I'll be at a wedding dinner. We joked that maybe I'll be eating with candlelights. Well, it didn't happen. It was a regular dinner banquet. Good thing it started at 8.00pm, not the usual 9 or 930pm! Nevertheless, it was really a struggle for me to attend. Eventhough I only had to walk from the drop off point, to the banquet hall, and back to the lobby, the pain / ache at the bottom was quite severe that night, despite resting for the whole day.

I don't know how else can I ease the discomfort besides limiting my walking to as minimal as possible.

Cousin Anna said I should prepare at least 5 sets of front-buttoned blouses / pajamas. Good idea but I need to go get them and now I can't really walk too much......... I wanted Marks & Spencer but Val said don't waste $$, go get from the market. Well,,, logical, since I'll only be using them for a short time but I'll look so terrible in them. Well,, we'll see how it goes.

Propping Up

View from the floor

I spent half a Saturday propping up my feet to make the water retention go away.

Luckily it works.

I find it very warm and peaceful just to lie on the matress on the floor.

I looked around the room, it glowed with sunlight and I felt very contented and peaceful.

I like being alone. I am quite a loner really.

Browsing through O magazine, reading about how Oprah struggled with her weight & thyroid issues and how she finally decided it is not about weight but rather, about self-love and embracing optimal health. About some people choosing "Simple Lives", leaving their city homes to live in the forest, about a woman saying how she stopped dying her grey hair cos she does not want to hide herself anymore.

One Updated Look

Not Glam, just One Updated Look.

My Swollen Feet

Oh,,,, so ugly,,,,,,

The effects of being pregnant.... swollen feet.

I count myself lucky that I only get this now...

Bear with it. It will go away.

Meantime,,,, I have ugly feet!!!!!! =(

~*sob*~ *sob*~